Why.
I just want to know why both of my parents want nothing to do with me. Why did my dad walk out on me yesterday? Why did my mother take my car that I worked my butt off for? Have I not treated them as a daughter should? Have I not been more than patient with the treatment I’ve been given my whole life? I moved 500 miles away from everything I know, quit my job, & sacrificed my car to come here. I’m starting school over & working hard to do well every single day. I have no friends, & I live in a basement. What more do I have to sacrifice? It’s bad enough that my parents are oblivious to the events that occurred during my childhood, but to toss me away as if I’m garbage? Why? Why is it so hard to want me? Why am I poisonous to every environment I live in? Everywhere I go, I attract darkness & depression. I don’t want to keep ruining everyone’s lives. I don’t want to keep ruining my own life. I just want to be wanted, genuinely. I give so much of myself to everyone, & I try SO unbelievably hard to please as many people as I can, but I never do. I’m never happy. Thoughts of my past haunt me & never leave my head. I lie awake at night thinking that it will happen again. I pull my hair out, I bite my nails, I crack my fingers & and I’m constantly paranoid. I feel as if I’m going crazy. Am I not the person that I think I am? Do I not do enough? Is it all in my imagination? What’s real and what’s not seem to be one in the same and I just want it all to stop. I just want everything to stop.
